JustThink#77 



DAY7,15th Oct,2022

YUP, skipped yesterday's blog...had watched a movie called "TRAPPED", one of the good storyline I have seen in a while, enjoyed and realised how much privelege I am in my life to have a day with roti, kapda and makan and mobile too...

Back to today, whole day I spend talking to myself and spending time on youtube...got a new book to read on procrastination which I will hopefully read after this blog...

For past few days, I was thinking a lot about myself a year ago...that how I used to enjoy and was so active in my work(writing), so happy that I used to wish that I wanna do this my whole life...and now after a year, I am realising that my interests are getting low...in writing or content creation, its not that I don't like to do but its not my priority now for some reason...

Thats why my mind get divert so easily in my work...

I spend a lot of time in thinking what is the reason...and now I feel, I don't have any purpose as I used to have and to be honest I am okay with it...I am very comfortable with my current life although I want to change it...but I genuinely don't have any purpose, and thats why I am not interested in any type of growth...

I don't feel its a bad thing or wrong thing to not have any purpose in life as its fine if you have a good balance of everything or you are in the process of finding balace BUT

Problem arrives when I have realised that I had spent a lot of time figuring out whats good for my career and whats the one thing which I would like to do my whole life...and I knew it was content creation so spent hell lot of time on how to do it...yup my mistake, no action but just thinking about it...

Now, when I am taking action, and got aware about myself that I don't really have any purpose now as I used to have and the reason behind choosing this career even after doing engineering is actuallt gone...

Now, I am not really interested in achieving something big or something different...which I know its fine but I had spent a lot ot time on this now...

Adding to this time point, considering my current situation and looking for long run options, this career is the correct choice for me as I actually need this financially, mentally, emotionally etc and even in terms of learning...there is hell lot of learning in this...

I just don't have any interest or passion in doing this...consistently...I don't know how to say this but I do love this work but its just currently not in my priority list..

One of the main reason I have lost my interest is I spend very very less time with people like me...to be honest I don't really spend any time with people outside my home....rarely have any interactions...

A year ago, I was doing internships where I was spending time with people like me having similar vision or growth mindset but now for a loooong time, I dont have any interaction with anyone from content field...I just watch content whole time...

Somewhere I know what I need to do now, maybe I am just too afraid or lazy to change my way of spending the day...yup, I need to change not becoz I should but becoz I need to...

Also, on bright side, its not that I have wasted my whole time on just thinking, I had reallly good experience with other things and learned so much from that experience and stilll learning...

I am glad that I got some downfall till some extent as its good to make mistakes early in your life rather than facing it after you get lot of responsibilities...

Hopefully, I will focus more on making mistakes in my work now so that I don't need to face that in future....and reinvent my purpose...

So, time for some reading as I feel this is enough for today....