JustThink#120

12th May,2024...11:09 pm

Today I faced something which i feel i was running from...for a long time

Subah ki shuruwat jyada achi nahi thi so doper tak bas content consume karta raha aur friends show ke episodes dekhe...

Doper mai khana khakar sogaya fir shaam ko uthkar thoda better feel hua as mind got cleared from any kind of thoughts...

Shaam ko ek script par kaam karte hue sunny se baat hui thode time, acha laga fir cooler bhi thik hogaya tha so thought chalo ache time pe din end hua hai...

8 baje ke aas paas mujhe yaad aaya ki ek "Inner child healing bootcamp" ke naam se online session tha jo mene bohot pehle book kiya tha aur bhul gaya tha so thought of joining in

Jab mai session mai jua tab 200 se jyada log pehle se session ko attend kar rahe the jaha host was talking about some kind of frequencies we as humans emit...

Negative, positive frequency stuff...mene socha leave kar deta hu as i joined really late but 5 min socha session sunlu...where the host talked about some emotional issues jiska root cause humare childhood trauma se juda hosakta hai

Kuch points bataye which somewhere resembles my situation...jaha ek din pehle ussi bootcamp ka wp group mai added tha jisme first workshop ko attend karne valo ne apne thoughts share kiye the and mann, how sad people are in their life...so many traumatic expereince and bad parenting results...so many lonely ones who could not heal from it withoutany support!

Ye sab sunte hue i realise somewhere i am facing my own reality from which i was kinda running for a long time now...reality of my plain childhood which so many restrictions from parents...how i cannot really feel my emotions and when i feel, then its on extreme level emotions...

I lie to myself that I am chill person...to some extent I am not because its my nature or i know how to calm myself but because i ignore that feeling very well,, I distract myself soo well that my mind stays calm

I felt bad about my life for a while but then i thought let just live this bootcamp for now and will join in next batch to know about this in more detail.

I am having some real doubts about my actions...how lonely i might get and how no one really approaches and willingly try to talk to me without any favour in return...

I am learning to really heal from it and be independent from anyone...but i do need people...i want to share my life experiences with them and have a consistent deep bond with them

I feel sad about stuff happened in past and how i had lost so much of my life in that time...its so difficult to start again and heal yourself without any help

You know, I will be doing good...I am doing good...I just want to be with my closed ones and help them to grow and be happy together...I will...Its happening i can feel...

Its a slow process but its happening...Good Night.